owlgrey (owlgrey) wrote in billeh_talents,

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Dressed to the Kilt

The idea for this came from a real Airlines episode but that's where the similarities end.

Author: owlgrey
Beta: widdershin
Title: Dressed to the kilt
Rating: R (for language)
Pairing/Characters: Billy and Dom
Warnings: Some bad kilt usage and some bad language.
Summary: Dom takes up a challenge.
Author's Notes: My thanks to widdershin for the beta. The airline kilt wearing idea came from an actual Airlines episode (but not involving Dom!)

Billy should have known this would happen. Ever since they had spent that quiet night in watching TV it was blatantly obvious that Dom would try this.

Billy should have known this would happen. Ever since they had spent that quiet night in watching TV it was blatantly obvious that Dom would try this.

It had been a rainy miserable Saturday night. Dom had rung in for pizza, and they had sat on the couch, legs tangled over each other watching crappy TV. During his flicks around the stations Dom had found one of those Airport shows; the ones where people aren't allowed to fly because they're too pissed or want to keep their kitty on their lap.

An American man looking more like an escapee from Haight Ashbury than a card carrying bona fide Scotsman had grabbed Dom's attention. He was adamant that he had the right to wear a kilt, despite the airline desk attendant delicately telling him that when he sat down people could 'see his private parts'.

So there was Dom turning up at the airport with a gleam in his eye and his knobby knees exposed, proudly wearing one of Billy's very own kilts.

“And what do you think you're up to?” Billy asked. “That's my best dress tartan you've got around that Sassenach behind of yours!”

“I'm demonstrating my cultural heritage,” Dom replied, moving his hips so that his sporran swung. “Do you like my cultural heritage Bills?” He winked and looked down towards his crotch.

“That's my bloody cultural heritage you're playing around with there,” Billy protested. He was normally fairly easy going, but the sight of Dom wearing his favourite kilt had him just a little angered.

“Thought you called it your 'monster?” Dom laughed.

“You have no more right to a Scottish heritage display than…” Billy fought for an analogy, “Groundskeeper Willy off The Simpsons.”

“Now now,” Dom patted Billy on the shoulder. “We share a culture. No doubt somewhere back there sometime a German Fraulein ancestress of mine was defiled by one of your large Sporanned Hebridean men of testosterone. “I'd like to be able to claim a little of what was taken so forcefully.”

“How did we suddenly get from Groundskeeper Willy to one of my relatives raping one of yours?” Billy frowned.

“Runs in the family,” Dom grinned. “You Boyds can be very forceful when you want. I know from experience. Let's just look back at last Friday night when you…”

“Yes yes well we won't go into that one will we?' Billy clamped a hand over Dom's mouth as an airline representative approached them.

“Here we go!” Dom's eyes were bright with the idea of a challenge. “You just see Bills. I'm going to defend my rights and…”

“Mr. Monaghan?”

“Yes, that would be me. And if you're going to comment on the kilt it's my right to…” Dom's chest was puffed out ready for an argument.

“I'm sorry Sir I'm going to have to ask you to take a seat in the waiting area over there. There's been an irregularity with your seat allocation and we need to have our manager speak with you.”

“Irregularity with my seat?” Dom asked.

“Nothing major Sir, I assure you. However, we can't proceed with the flight without…”

“Nothing else?” Dom queried.

“No Sir,” the representative reassured. “It shouldn't take too long and…”

“No problem with what I'm wearing?” Dom tentatively asked.

“Of course not Sir. If I may say so you look very smart. Last time I saw a man wearing a kilt was at my grandfather's funeral; some distant relative from Scotland. I must say though, you look much more dashing than he did. Good on you for being proud of your heritage.”

Dom would have shot Billy a 'there you go' grin, but he was too concerned with what the girl wasn't saying. “You really don't mind as an airline that I'm wearing a kilt?” Dom persisted.

“No Sir,” the representative continued. “Now if you could just take a seat over there I have a few other passengers to chase up.”

Deflated, Dom dutifully sat where he was told. This prank had been no fun.

Triumphant, Billy sat in the lounge opposite. His only worries now were not whether Dom would get away with his lark, but whether their flight would leave on time, whether they could sit together and most importantly when he would get his beloved kilt back. When Dom sat for any length of time he farted and farting on his best tartan was just not on.

Several announcements later it seemed seating had become a larger issue than first hinted at. Dom's side of the waiting area had filled with a gaggle of irate passengers. Dom sat amongst them, becoming increasingly bored seeing as he had no Bills to talk to. Glossy airline magazine flicked through from cover to cover, he lounged back in his seat.

Meanwhile, in contrast, Billy was becoming increasingly edgy on his side of the 'big wait'. He had heard talk of some passengers being upgraded to First Class due to what was now being described as a 'severe over booking issue'. Apparently that was why selected passengers had been called aside. If Dom got upgraded and he didn't he'd be furious with the cheeky bugger. It would just be his luck to get something for nothing! He could picture it now, Dom lying back with a glass of Bollinger while he, Billy, was cooped up in cattle class with plastic cutlery and a Hobbit sized can of coke with peanuts. It was Dom's civic duty as a friend to point out that they were traveling together, and if there was any upgrading to be done they should both be doing it. His eyes scanned for the representative from before; the tartan loving girl. Maybe if he spoke to her he could go over to that precious other side where real cutlery and fully reclining seats beckoned.

However, it was the tittering of the women next to him that changed his mind. Giggling uncontrollably and pointing to across the way, the object of their amusement was his very own Dom. Now fully asleep, mouth open and snoring loudly, there was Dom slouched back in his chair, legs apart.

“Oh fuck!” Billy hissed under his breath. “He didn't!”

However, it was blatantly obvious to the world that Dom had, and an increasing number of passengers were being given a very obvious show of the fact.

“Dom!” Billy hissed. “Wake up!”

However, Dom was busily snoozing away the lost sleep time from a string of previous flights and was not ready to be woken.

Billy's embarrassment levels were quickly rising as Dom's legs parted even further to reveal even more of the telltale red and black of …

“What sort of Scotsman wears boxers under his kilt?” one woman giggled to her friend.

What's more what sort of Scotsman wears Manchester United boxers under his kilt?? Billy laughed to himself. Embarrassment quickly shifting to triumph, he relaxed back and allowed Dom's knickers to demonstrate his true lack of Scotsmanship.

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